I was using TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) to help myself soothe this anxious feeling in my chest this morning. (If you haven't checked out TAT yet, I recommend that you visit www.tatlife.com.)
This anxious feeling was definitely all inside-driven. I am truly blessed with many good things in my outer life: beauty, harmony, love, peace, joy, abundance, and grace. So, the anxious feeling stuck out like a sore thumb. I was guessing that it was the "old shoe gonna drop" syndrome that I sometimes feel when things are going really well in my life.
So, I proceeded to do Step 1 of TAT: "Everything that resulting in me resonating, identifying and connecting with this feeling happened." And I sat with that statement for a minute or two, just being with it. I was making space for energies, impressions, sensations, thoughts and feelings to move through me.
I moved on to Step 2: "Everything that resulting in me resonating, identifying and connecting with this feeling happened, and it's over now. I am OK, I am safe and I am no longer resonated, identified, or connected with this feeling."
I noticed a resistance in my chest as if there was something stuck in it. And, a new thought made itself known. I have long worked with parts of selves, and have gotten very adept at discerning which thought are my adult-self's and which ones are not.
A part of me was very afraid of the healing I was intending. This part said many things. Among which: "I have to have this feeling to be safe, I don't know what I am doing and something very bad can happen to me because of this healing. I don't have the right to no longer feel anxious..."
While my adult self know these are all limiting beliefs that I can transform, release and heal with the energy therapy tools I have learned, my young self -- the one that felt afraid and spoke up -- believes in her thoughts 100%. For some reasons that I am not conscious of, this healing I had just initiated was threatening to her.
So, I took the time to soothe this younger me. I gently held the opposite thoughts without forcing my younger child-self to change her mind. No one likes to be changed. I was just musing and invited her to contemplate with me the possibility of the truth of what I was about to think. She didn't have to change her mind if she didn't want to. It was all very gentle and honoring to me and to my younger self.
Using the thoughts that I received from this part, I created the opposite thoughts, as a way to open up the possibilities and widening my horizon consciously (which is step 2 in TAT anyway):
"I don't have to have this anxious feeling to be safe. It is possible that I don't know what I am doing and yet this healing is still safe for me. It is possible I have the right to no longer feel anxious..."
More new thoughts came in. I was having more communication with my younger self. How wonderful, she was responding to me! More data from her: "I feel really afraid to no longer resonate, connect or identify with the earlier feeling. It's a familiar feeling" I soothed her/myself again, and offered my thoughts: "Whatever that has caused me to feel so afraid to do this healing happened, it's over now and I am REALLY OK. It's safe now for me to continue and complete this healing. It's safe for me to let go of what feels familiar and to feel something better. I choose to no longer resonate, identify and connect with the earlier feeling. I am not abandoning anybody by choosing to resonate with peace and joy."
I felt an inner "OK." There was this "allowing" feeling to go ahead with the healing I had started ten minutes ago. The fear I felt from my younger self slowly dissipated. The stuck feeling in my chest softened and melted. This younger part of me must have felt safe enough to let me continue with my healing process.
As I write this entry, my healing is completed. No more feeling like something bad was bound to happen. And, I feel peace, warmth and relaxation in my chest. An open and gentle feeling. It feels really good inside. A match to the world I see outside my window: fresh, welcoming and gentle! I like this very much!
I have learned that when I (the adult self) honor and be gentle with all parts of me that is "blocking" me or "unallowing" of me to be, do, have what I want, I create a safer world for me internally and a more peaceful world externally.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Happy New Year!
My intentions for this New Year are simple: miracles, abundance and healing.
Miracles are wonderful to experience and really not as hard to manifest as we often make them out to be. To have miracles, first we need to redefine and expand our definition of what a miracle is. Does it have to come with an angel voice, or does it have to be the impossible made possible? Is it enough if the miracle is simply a single tiny life in a barren landscape?
I have learned that when we allow our eyes to open and truly see that there are miracles already happening right now around and within us, we invite even more miracles into our lives. Life is a miracle itself, precious and full of wonders. Our body is an amazing miracle as well!
We allow more miracles into our lives when we allow ourselves to do something different than what we normally would, even if that difference is very small.
Let me tell you about my miracle today.
It was a beautiful and exquisite day today: the sky was blue, the sun shone brilliantly and the cold winter wind was gentle. I decided to go for a walk in my favorite regional park up the hill from my home.
As I walked along the well-loved path, marveling at the verdant green meadow ahead of me, my eyes rested on a fallen tree-trunk. It was silvery, polished by rain and sun for many years, I supposed. I decided to lie down on top of it. No real reason why, other than it looked like fun to lie on it.
I laid myself down gently on it and closed my eyes. I felt the warmth of the sun on the right side of my body and the wintry breeze on my left side. I opened my eyes, and appreciated the pine trees above me with their sparkling needles. I looked beyond them. Lo and behold, on the beautiful blue sky above, there were two beautiful long rainbows on the cloudless blue sky!
A double rainbow for all to see!
What a miracle for me! I laughed delightedly. I wouldn't have noticed this quiet and beautiful gift of joy if I had just continued walking and looking straight ahead. My decision to change my course and to lie down on a tree trunk gave me a different perspective, upward. And that perspective allowed me this experience of wonder and joy.
I chuckled gently at the Universe. I love how playfully the Universe teaches me how to manifest more miracles in my life.
Miracles can happen in big and small ways. To learn to have them, we will need to allow ourselves to make small changes, everyday, even if it's just a change in our perspectives.
I invite you to allow your miracles to unfold!
Wishing you abundance, healing and miracles in 2009!