Friday, February 27, 2009

Is It Safe Yet?

I was using TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) to help myself soothe this anxious feeling in my chest this morning. (If you haven't checked out TAT yet, I recommend that you visit www.tatlife.com.)

This anxious feeling was definitely all inside-driven. I am truly blessed with many good things in my outer life: beauty, harmony, love, peace, joy, abundance, and grace. So, the anxious feeling stuck out like a sore thumb. I was guessing that it was the "old shoe gonna drop" syndrome that I sometimes feel when things are going really well in my life.

So, I proceeded to do Step 1 of TAT: "Everything that resulting in me resonating, identifying and connecting with this feeling happened." And I sat with that statement for a minute or two, just being with it. I was making space for energies, impressions, sensations, thoughts and feelings to move through me.

I moved on to Step 2: "Everything that resulting in me resonating, identifying and connecting with this feeling happened, and it's over now. I am OK, I am safe and I am no longer resonated, identified, or connected with this feeling."

I noticed a resistance in my chest as if there was something stuck in it. And, a new thought made itself known. I have long worked with parts of selves, and have gotten very adept at discerning which thought are my adult-self's and which ones are not.

A part of me was very afraid of the healing I was intending. This part said many things. Among which: "I have to have this feeling to be safe, I don't know what I am doing and something very bad can happen to me because of this healing. I don't have the right to no longer feel anxious..."

While my adult self know these are all limiting beliefs that I can transform, release and heal with the energy therapy tools I have learned, my young self -- the one that felt afraid and spoke up -- believes in her thoughts 100%. For some reasons that I am not conscious of, this healing I had just initiated was threatening to her.

So, I took the time to soothe this younger me. I gently held the opposite thoughts without forcing my younger child-self to change her mind. No one likes to be changed. I was just musing and invited her to contemplate with me the possibility of the truth of what I was about to think. She didn't have to change her mind if she didn't want to. It was all very gentle and honoring to me and to my younger self.

Using the thoughts that I received from this part, I created the opposite thoughts, as a way to open up the possibilities and widening my horizon consciously (which is step 2 in TAT anyway):
"I don't have to have this anxious feeling to be safe. It is possible that I don't know what I am doing and yet this healing is still safe for me. It is possible I have the right to no longer feel anxious..."

More new thoughts came in. I was having more communication with my younger self. How wonderful, she was responding to me! More data from her: "I feel really afraid to no longer resonate, connect or identify with the earlier feeling. It's a familiar feeling" I soothed her/myself again, and offered my thoughts: "Whatever that has caused me to feel so afraid to do this healing happened, it's over now and I am REALLY OK. It's safe now for me to continue and complete this healing. It's safe for me to let go of what feels familiar and to feel something better. I choose to no longer resonate, identify and connect with the earlier feeling. I am not abandoning anybody by choosing to resonate with peace and joy."

I felt an inner "OK." There was this "allowing" feeling to go ahead with the healing I had started ten minutes ago. The fear I felt from my younger self slowly dissipated. The stuck feeling in my chest softened and melted. This younger part of me must have felt safe enough to let me continue with my healing process.

As I write this entry, my healing is completed. No more feeling like something bad was bound to happen. And, I feel peace, warmth and relaxation in my chest. An open and gentle feeling. It feels really good inside. A match to the world I see outside my window: fresh, welcoming and gentle! I like this very much!

I have learned that when I (the adult self) honor and be gentle with all parts of me that is "blocking" me or "unallowing" of me to be, do, have what I want, I create a safer world for me internally and a more peaceful world externally.

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