I was sitting on a tree stump, listening to the wind and looking at the beautiful field of grass dancing in front of me. I felt divine love swirling within and around me. I was in rapture, soaking it all in. It was one of those glorious moments of being so tuned in with nature, one of my sources of joy.
I asked Spirit, "Does it get any better than this?"
Spirit answered, "Yes!" And I was surprised to feel, for a moment, a catch in my heart. I heard myself gasped. I realized that a part of me was scared by Spirit's answer.
I held myself tenderly to comfort myself. A deep part of me was obviously afraid of receiving "better than this." What I had was good enough.
Later, I checked in with this fearful part of me to find out what I was afraid of. I discovered that it was almost as if I didn't believe I could stand any more joy. This part of me feared that I might cry so hard until there would be nothing left of me.
"There's no rush," I soothed myself. "I can wait to open up to more joy if I, as a whole, wasn't ready to do so yet. I will always be here with me, in joy and sorrows. Yes, what we have created is good enough. More than good -- it's great!" I assured myself. And I trust that when I am ready, I will have the support, the know-how, and the tools I need to welcome more joy.
The interesting question for me then was: "How much joy can I stand?"
Since then, I notice where I purposely sabotage or block myself because I fear that "having it" or "being it" or "doing it" would bring me too much joy. I often laugh at my own antics, while some parts of me are not amused. That's OK; no need to condemn myself for the self-sabotage. Doing so will only make me curl backward and reticent. Instead, I feel grateful for the information that I was so openly given, and honor my own courage to look at myself with clarity.
For me, it's a refreshing and new approach to not just rush in and try to "fix it." It's delightful to see how I'm handling my own resistance. No rushing, no pressuring to be more, no hurrying, no fixing. Just being pure gentleness.
Why am I telling you this? Because if you are finding yourself out of joy, out of peace and in stress, there is a big chance that you might also be resisting receiving more joy yourself. I invite you to be easy, light and gentle with yourself about your resistance. Be kind to yourself.
I notice that, with this gentle attitude towards myself, I have been feeling softer, more allowing and more spacious within. And, interestingly, there is a deeper level of joy in my heart. With that spaciousness, I can feel the pulsing of the life force within me. I can feel the excitement and anticipation gently and surely building up. I can feel that delicious feeling of looking and moving forward with my Spirit to new frontiers in my life. Life is great and it keeps getting better!
Wishing you lightness and joy in this glorious adventure called Life!